But it wasn't hangover that crushed me today. What made me sad is the realization of how much I enjoyed being with him, and I was reminded of the time when our group were still together back in college. We did everything together - we go to work together, we come home together, and we would drink and chat and bullshit all night before finally dozing off for an hour or so before it was time to go to school in the morning. There were me, Joe, Biju and Lee - and it seems like there were only us. Nobody else can understand us the way we understood each other. We were four friends from four different countries who somehow found solace in each other, and stuck with each other through thick and thin till the end. We stayed and comforted each other during times of pain, through chronic
laughed together, cried together, ate together, helped each other, comfort each other and supported each other through years after years of hardship. We were four foreigners who were trying to make it in a foreign country, and nobody else was there for us. We became a family.
Among them, I became especially attached to Joe, who is 5 years my senior. Although sometimes he could be annoying, he is an unwavering friend, intensely faithful and always ready to extend a helping hand to the last drop. Once, I got into trouble with the store we worked at and he got angry with the store, so much so that he even considered quitting the store in retaliation. Being with him is like being with a big brother who is always ready to catch your back. And that's the feeling I felt last night. We hung out and chatted over beers about the past, like we did countless nights when we were still in college. One great thing about Joe is that I can talk to him about almost anything. Countless times I had asked for his advice and he never strayed me wrong. Like I said, he could be annoying, but he always speaks the truth, no matter how ugly or harsh the truth may be. Among all of my friends, he was the only person whom I can relate to the most and confide, and really talk heart to heart and feel better about it.
And so in the morning, as I drove to work, I thought about my brief yet intimate encounter with Joe and how he remained my best friend after all these years - and I suddenly felt empty.
Empty because now I know I'm all alone again - I have many friends and families here now, but I only have one friend - if that makes sense. Maybe I feel sad because I was reminded of how sweet times were when the four of us were still together and how things seem to be so much simpler then. Now Joe and Biju is married and have kids and we can never go back to the way we were. And we all live in four different countries. How I wish we could all be in one city and continue our friendship. Maybe I was sad because deep inside, I have buried a guilt feeling that at one point I tried to get away from it all by running away to Arizona at the peak of our friendship. I was sick and tired of my life then - and thought that I deserve better. I guess I was a classic example of someone who didn't appreciate what I had until it was too late.
And so, it is too late, and times have changed. Things could never return to the way they were, when we were younger, when we were carefree and when things were less complicated, and wishing alone cannot make it so. The only thing I can say right now, good friend, is that I enjoyed your company very much and I can't wait for our next encounter. Have a great flight, buddy.
